Occasionally, as we know, bad things will happen @ Your Library. This may be intrusive and annoying federal agents trying to track down suspected "terrorists," or so-called "perverts" making "sexual" advances towards teenage girls using library computers, or library patrons "exposing themselves" to other patrons. We at the ALA do not want to be "judgmental" about anything. We at the ALA support intellectual freedom and privacy, so we have prepared this list of Talking Points you should use in all public statements about such supposed "bad things."
When questioned about some supposedly bad incident @ your library, respond in one of the following ALA-accredited ways:
1) "One of the things we really believe very strongly is protecting people's rights to read whatever it is they want to read."
2) American Libraries are the only thing standing between ignorance and tyranny and the truth. Or maybe it's the other way around.
3) We are strong defenders of intellectual freedom. We also strongly defend democracy, truth, justice, and any other glittering generality that sounds good but has a vague meaning.
4) We strongly defend privacy. What people do privately in their own public library is none of our business.
5) We do not make judgments about the behavior of our patrons. All actions are equal in the eyes of librarians, because we are never judgmental about anything. Everyone is welcome at the library!
6) People have a right to do anything they want in a public library. It's in the Constitution. You could look it up!